If you thought ghosting was just spooky in horror movies, wait till you see how it haunts your relationships! In this article, I take share my rant yet also some insightful facts to look at and see why avoiding tough conversations and shutting down during conflicts only makes things worse.
Something I just don't get is shutting down in conflict. I mean, I get it... there's a pit in your stomach, you feel flush, and your heart races when you are confronted with the icky consequences of your actions, words, and whatever.
But hash that shit out. Do the hard things. Have the conversations. Move on.
Shutting down and ghosting only makes it worse. You already had a lapse of judgment or made a mistake. Now that the affected party is bringing it up, you're being given a chance to make shit right. They care enough to give you that, so show you care enough about them to accept it and boss up.
Hell.... be the one to START the conversation!
Trying to avoid it so you don't have to hold yourself accountable makes that person feel even more disrespected and devalued and now they have that to deal with too. Not cool. And it's a clear sign of how you feel about someone's well-being.
Things don't just go away if you pretend they are not there.
The affected person has to heal from it. Alone. The offender has to carry around all that guilt, and shame and it makes for awkward interactions moving forward, if you get to interact again at all.
Who TF wants that?
Respect the fact that forgiveness is on the table. Understand that clarity, explanation, and apologies are a part of life and are required for closure and moving past crap. Own it so everyone can have a chance to feel heard and benefit from closure.
Fun fact: the silent treatment is not only manipulative, cowardly, unattractive, and immature, but it's also a form of abuse and has psychological effects on the person being cut off. These effects register in the brain the same as physical pain does.
Google it.
Not every issue results in an argument. If you're dealing with people who
flip their shit, are revenge full, get defensive and loud or gaslight when confronting or being confronted... reconsider your circle.
Better yet, don't do stupid shit... We're all human. But if you're gonna do stupid shit, expect consequences, hurt feelings and a future conversation.
We all fuck up
We all feel.
We all are responsible for our actions
- Yours Truly
Don't add NON-action, after the fact, to that list.
Is getting that pit out of your stomach and clearing your conscience worth ALSO showing someone you respect them enough to gain clarity, worth it?
I think so.
Do better.
PS The best apologies are changed behavior
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